Weak

Hello everyone, I'm back. Back from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. For quite some time now, I've lost interest in posting. Mostly, I've been super busy and have no extra energy to use on writing. Actually, I'm posting at the most undesirable moment. (I'll explain in a minute.)

The last two and one half months have been same old, same old. I suppose if I blogged daily, I would let you in on some salacious tidbits, but I'm prone to forget them as soon as they are out of sight. Sorry.

So, let's start afresh:

We are having a rainier than usual year in Loveland. This is all good. It's hard on the harvesting of hay, but with the drought in California, all the rain we can produce in Colorado will help to buffer the situation. Our farm is producing well, though I fear we are killing our young farmer. He can't surround the whole thing, and no matter how many times I tell him to cut back, he can't, or won't. It's in a farmer's DNA to plant seed, all seed, any seed. Then it's too late.

Our original farmer is gone to help our Dominican Republic project. We lost the strongest man we've ever had on the team, but that's ok. We get to help someone else.

Our lifestyle center is going half well. Well, what I mean is, we always have lifestyle guests, but we could use more. . . always more. Interestingly, Wildwood has had three months in a row with 30 lifestyle guests. They've never ever had 30 guests, ever. More power to them. May the Lord do as much for us also.

I don't know exactly how many students we will have in our new intake, but it is looking fairly promising. The class starts on August 3 and runs till shortly before Christmas. All welcomed.

I two weeks, my wife will be home on a permanent basis. It's been ten years and it is coming to a close. She is now orienting Elisha and Nadege, and all looks good. Angie, is with Leasa Hodges at Youth For Jesus. She is a girl's dean there. Her two youngest daughters are preaching at YFJ and I am extremely proud of the ability the Lord has given them. Caleb, Julie's oldest is there also. He is participating in door to door activities and helping at the meeting sights. I believe in Caleb, the Lord will use that young man in a mighty way someday, you'll see. (I think the same for his brothers. The potential is amazing.)

I read somewhere tonight that the Youth For Jesus program has already 47 people who want to be baptized. PTL. I'll be leaving for Grand Rapids where YFJ is happening followed by the ASI National Convention, on Thursday. It's going to be a week and a half of high stress. O have at least five board meetings, plus the convention. I have one year remaining as President of that organization.

Now for why this blog is so hard to write:

This week, I decided to fast from Thursday lunch to Monday breakfast on water. I am blown away on how hard this has been. It is Sunday evening as I write. Some years ago, I use to fast often. I don't remember it being so hard. It isn't that I am feeling so hungry, but oh, the weakness and dizziness and confusion of mind. Yuck! Sometimes I felt literally sick. Well, no matter, I said I would and I will.

I'm not fasting because I think it is fun. I really have needed to talk to the Lord about my needs. "From the soul that feels his need, nothing is withheld." DA300. I'm tired of myself, period. It's obvious we have not what it takes to finish this work. Lukewarmness and complacency will not do it. Why can't we have the Holy Spirit in supernatural power. What is it that limits His involvement in our work? Are there Ackans in the camp? If there are I don't know it. Am I the one Lord? An institution rarely rises above its leader, and judging by the institution, well . . . you fill in the blank. So I will have spent 89 hours fasting and praying. Lord help us.

Some thoughts have occurred to me:
1. I've been honestly surprised on how quickly I became weak and how weak I became. One day without food and I feel like I'm dying, and it came to my mind that the food is God's provision. There are plenty of people going hungry around the world. It may be our turn someday, except that God has promised to supply all our needs. And even in this small experiment I am reminded that in one day I am nothing. From strong to dying. (Well, feeling like I am dying.) Friends, the weakness is real, and it is in us. When God says we are nothing, Gal 6:3, He knows what He is saying. I am not superman.

2. Often, I rejoice that God has brought me a long way. Yes, indeed. Many I left behind in my old life have made, or are making shipwreck of life, and the temptation is to think more of myself, or conversely, less of them. This weakness is bringing me to realize that I am not anything more than they are. Unsustained by grace, I'm am reduced to the lowest level of humanity. If I can deteriorate this quickly to nothingness, by missing a few meals, then I must realize that I can deteriorate as quickly otherwise. The distance between the greatest saint and the worst of sinners is immeasurably small. So much so that I doubt that God makes a difference. We all are in need of His help.

3. In the OT God called for the stoning of some people--the boy who gathered sticks on the Sabbath, the people who committed adultery, the glutens, the nations which exhausted their probation etc. Interestingly, this terrible sense of weakness leads me to identify with those poor sinners. Surely, I've done worse than pick sticks on the Sabbath. Are my spiritual adulteries better than their physical ones? Are my neo, pseudo, carefully hidden rebellions more justifiable than theirs? I can't be judgmental when I think in those terms.

4. I also realized how old age is a blessing orchestrated by God. If today's induced weakness turns my heart to God for support, then it's become evident that old age, with its attendant weaknesses, are God last call to prayer. You may be smarter than the average bear, today, but the onset of dementia will certainly disabuse you of any pride in that seemingly bright mind. You may be better than average strong today, but just wait, they'll be putting diapers on you soon. Today's beautiful skin will soon need more help than botox can give.

All our supposed strength is an illusion, but the Bible says, "While we were yet without strength," (that's everyone) Christ died for us. If we recognize and are honest with ourselves about our weaknesses, then "When I am weak, then am I strong."

So says the Preacher to His Tribe.